----------- soulful transformation through the stars. -----------

15 Aug 2011


Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.
Louis L'Amour

Interestingly, an issue I've been butting against recently is one on which the full moon over the weekend heaped her influence. Tolerance, humanitarian tendencies.

credit: me

Around me are people who I care about who are regularly spewing out hatred and anger into the world. Unawares. Of course I acknowledge that anger has it's place and we have a right to express it. But I have felt uncomfortable with what appears as a tendency to justify anger, or to use it as the springboard emotion. As something Right because of injustices, or political problems, or even personal 'rights to expression'.

I don't give a hoot how corny it comes across, but

Love is first. 

Dealing with anger from a place of Love means that we humble before our most wise Self and let that pesky Ego rest and stop fighting. I just believe that...

Love is never fuelled by anger.

All I've been hearing (on a blog or two, in the media, and in my home) is how others should change or how such-and-such a situation should be different. I used to think that my anger on behalf of other people's injustices was noble. I also used to think that if I could just fix other people the world would be a better place.

I think differently these days.

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world ... as in being able to remake ourselves.
Mohandas Gandhi

When issues get in my face, I always ask, what does this mean for me? Where am I to change?

As a mother, I had the chance to see my anger, expressed as irritability, effect my daughter's attitude. She will learn her first emotion, love or anger, by example.

The moon also influenced radical change.
So I did.

I stopped arguing.
I stopped trying to instil a loving attitude.
I stopped (mostly) worrying about the world.

I just loved.

It leaves a lot more time for tea and a good book......


  1. I believe this is perfectly said. If this is corny then I have it coming out of my ears :). And there is nothing else to add here except a very heartfelt (and non religious) AMEN.

    xx oo

  2. Oh, that is just beautiful. Bless you! The only thing we can control is ourselves and our reactions to what happens to us. I too believe that every moment is here to teach us something and those people and situations that really irk us are there as a reflection of ourselves and something we need to learn within.

    Now, I am off to bed with my yogi tea and good book (Women Who Run with the Wolves).


  3. I believe it is a Buddhist saying that being angry at someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Your message is wonderful and something I shall do better to remember.

  4. This is a wonderful post. Your words, ideas and insights are such beautiful reminder of how we should be. And I love that Buddhist quote Annabella shared above -- so true!

  5. I think this is an all time favourite post for me. Can you imagine if we all took personnal responsibility for our emotions and attitude? the world would change... i absolutely loved reading this, such an inspiration. And i absolutely love your blog. xo sandra

  6. We can't change other people, but we can change ourselves. Learning how to deal with anger can have a great impact on our emotional and mental status. Which will, hopefully, have an impact on others, perhaps causing them to change how they deal with anger, too.

    "Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else - you are the one who gets burned" - Buddha

    Sometimes it's easier said than done, though. I have a really hard time controlling my anger during the full moon. My emotions go bonkers. I just have to remember to take a step back and breathe deep when I feel the anger starting to rise. Too often in the past I let the anger boil up until it exploded from my mouth in words - and left me with a feeling of regret for a long time.

    Beautiful post, Monica!

  7. yes, exactly Anabella, we convince ourselves that anger is either an emotion to or for another person, but it's just a poison to ourselves.

    Amanda, i feel that all emotions need expression. i don't think it's at all healthy to bottle up anger in trying to be zen or even so our kids don't see it.
    anger that bubbles up, like you mention, is asking to be examined.

    but anger that we choose, and worse, that then we try to justify.... that one gets me.

  8. Love this post! Love should always come first. Sometimes it's super hard to control our anger, but I also believe that children learn by example, so... we should always try to set the nicer example!

    Camila Faria

  9. i'm walking beside you, practicing daily, constantly reminding myself when i fail. thank you for this.

    (your photograph marries with this so well.)


  10. I've had a lot of the same issues with anger as you describe here, only I was the one doing it. I've slowly been realizing though that anger doesn't do my any good and if I really want things to change, I have to change my way of seeing them and feeling them. You're right...love is the answer.

  11. It's true, children learn and express themselves by example. There is wonderful wisdom in your post that I have struggled with...the whole can't change circumstances that happen, but I can change the way I react to them.
    And yes, if it can't be resolved with a cup of tea and a good book, it's not my problem.
    Gorgeous pic!

  12. Absolutely!

    I'll carry this post with me, thank you :)

  13. I try to be very aware of anger and remove myself from it when I can. I try to have a forgiving spirit and to love all I can. Sometimes, it isn't easy but a challenge is a good thing. I'm always amazed how much more love can accomplish than anger can.

  14. so true! that's exactly what i did when i moved to patagonia. i just stopped worrying about the world. it doesn't mean that you don't care. maybe you just care enough not to worry. and to put love first.

    it's been much more difficult since i moved back. you can only blame pregnancy/breastfeeding/baby hormones for so long...

  15. This is so true - thanks for sharing, this is something I needed to read this morning :)

  16. so true :) just wanted I need to read today.

  17. great post. it takes a while to realize that all you can do is change your own attitude. I do believe that if you interact with others from a place of calm instead of anger it will make a difference. and if it doesn't I usually walk away these days instead of letting negativity infect me - well, it doesn't always work that way ;) but I'm trying!

  18. i dont get angry that often. When i do it's best to hide. I think it's the red head and the Leo in me. I think as i get older i'm less tolerant of people/situations that annoy me but sometimes i choose to walk away, while occasionally i get a bit vocal,probably depending on what kind of mood i was in to start with!

  19. This post couldn't have come at a better time for me, that's for sure. I often find myself trying to justify my anger, blaming it on the actions of others, etc. For my own sake and the sakes of those near and dear, I need to be more conscious of this emotion. As you pointed out, our children are always watching.

  20. Perfect. You have such a way with words.


  21. is it ok to be lost for words. this post is beautiful monica.

  22. Beautiful. The shocking notion that even trying to instill a loving attitude is slightly apart from just loving... Wow. You're right, I think. Even THAT can be controlling.

    Just love. I dig it.

    Just found you blog and have enjoyed every line.

  23. thanks for noticing that green goose and welcome!

  24. So many people are letting stress get to them (economy- job loss) I have noticed the same trends - we have to let go of these things before they eat us up!
    The Bible actually says "Be angry and sin not" and it is saying that even if you have a REASON to be angry- what you DO with it really matters- anger is natural - letting go and letting Love overcome is a bit tougher! AND SOOOOOO worth the effort! thank you for sharing.

  25. I never really considered myself an angry person, but after reading this post, I definitely need to get more love into my life, and even less anger. Plus, I think my perception of not being very angry may be entirely subjective and just plain not the case...

  26. I'm not normally an "angry at the world" type of person, but I became that way after I had my son, for several months at least, maybe longer. How much happiness did I rob myself of during such a special time in my life?

    Even not too long ago, I found myself sick with anger about a mother being separated unjustly from her child. I began to learn that I can care without poisoning myself emotionally over it.

    Quoted Aphorisms on my blog not too long ago: "To get angry is to punish yourself for others’ mistakes."

    I also just blogged about an incident I witnessed recently that's similar in topic.

    Beautiful post.

  27. What a wonderful post -- accompanied by an equally wonderful photo :)

    It's too easy for me to get caught up in the harmful vibrations other people give off -- particularly when they come from people close to me. Your post is a helpful reminder that I must guard against that, as it only makes me sad.