----------- soulful transformation through the stars. -----------

17 May 2011


out on her own before that
visual journal

So many of us girls are conditioned, and allow ourselves, to believe the fairytale - that we need someone else to be fulfilled. It's such a strong meme that even the strong, 'independent', and adventurous, of us fall into the trap. Films continue to perpetuate a supposed misery in being single.

As a Libran, a believer in romance (not flowers and chocolates, but the meeting of souls), I fell hard, many times. Lost myself even, despite my inner strength. How I could have stretched and breathed and journeyed otherwise.

For when a woman is left too much alone, sooner or later she begins to think;-
And no man knows what then she may discover.
Edwin A. Robinson

Alone is not loneliness.
Alone is freedom.
Freedom to discover everything you are.

If I could go back and tell me young Self anything, it would be that. I hope my daughter will believe it.


  1. Wow.

    Do you know how rare it is to find someone else out there who thinks along these lines?

    Love that phrase: Alone is freedom.

    you have never been so right. :)

    I have never been a better person since being single. Sure one day I'd like to have a man, but I'm hoping not to settle down till I'm at elast 30. This is my youth. As Nirrimi hakanson (http://weliveyoung.blogspot.com) has said: This is your youth. Don't waste your time or your days.

    She's an awesome influence.

    I also hope your daughter believes this :) Spread the word.

  2. i love this message, it is so true.

  3. I think if you are unhappy with someone it is for sure much better to be on your own and then it is definitely freedom. Have a great Tuesday to you and your daughter!

  4. This is so beautiful :') Love your writing.

    <3 Belly B

  5. I completely agree! I wish women talked about this more -- that we are strong and beautiful and perfect just as we are, with nothing more needed. Thank you for sharing your beautiful and powerful words.

  6. oh yes....i'd tell my young Self the same thing -- and i do hope my girl will believe me too...although already she thinks in context of marriage and family....


  7. This is really beautiful. And although I'm not single, I absolutely agree with you. You can only discover everything you are by being alone and free.

  8. thing is Kristin, i think it essential to be on your own first. and to cherish aloneness in between any relationships, rather than seeking for the next one. you know?
    it's not about being better than unhappy with someone, but rather seeing the beauty in time wholly for ourselves.

    mel, in some ways in can be a good reflection of your own marriage. :)

    Lily, i'm not single either. but have recently read of so many young girls talking of loneliness when single. i love being in a relationship, but wished i had cherished my singledom better.

  9. Yes if we could only look back and enjoy those times for what they were and not look forward always to the day of having a partner. Mind you I did have some great time with other single friends that's for sure!

  10. Love love love this. And I think I will tell my daughter the same thing. Though I think she already knows it :).

  11. For the longest time I feared being alone, but I've learned to embrace it. Some days are trickier than others, but it's a life long process. <3

  12. I hope my daughters do too...I was lucky that in my 20s I came across a spiritual teacher that said exactly this to me, and I was alone for sometime, almost 7 years actually. I think it sent my life in a completely different direction, as I had been in a string of bad relationships before that. I still made some mistakes coming out of it, but in the long term, I think it really helped me solidify my sense of self.

    I think our natural spiritual urges contribute to this desire to be with someone, along with the social conditioning...we want union, want to feel connected, and the option being pushed out there for that is 'the soulmate'. Of course that will never actually feel that need for connection...we have to find it in our selves.

  13. I am in the phase of discovery and doing my best to apply what I find out.

  14. I had a bit of the opposite experience - swearing off love completely for several years. I wholeheartedly believe that girls, young women and women alike should take the time to really discover themselves and everything that is beautiful and mysterious within themselves first before seeking a partner and that this then forms the basis of a good partnership. But there is a balance in everything. For me, that balance included loving myself and then being open enough to love another.

  15. Those are wise words. I don't think the masculine perspective is any different. I was 'lucky' enough to have worked this out for myself when I was young and enjoyed a great deal of freedom in being alone. I think the secret of a strong and healthy relationship is finding a balance between being alone and being together. The most authentic and richest freedom comes when you can achieve that with someone. Didn't quite manage that myself, and I think my ex would agree that was probably due to the fact that she had never experienced any alone time in her life. She wasn't very comfortable with being by herself. I would imagine that your daughter won't have such a problem. I hope not.

  16. i've been in a relationship for 12+ years, and we have a 2-year-old daughter. it's an ongoing struggle for me to feel totally at peace with being in a partnered relationship. figuring out what this means/looks like for me is my challenge. if i could go back, i would most certainly choose to have the experience of living on my own (something i've never done).

    i'm thirty now...

  17. I used to think about this a lot. Sometimes I would bemoan the fact that I hadn't fallen in love yet. Anxious waiting for it to happen. But even then I knew I had to learn how to be by myself before I could learn to be in a relationship with someone else.

    Loved this post!

  18. love fairy tales,
    awesome piece of reflections.

    check out short story slam today. hope to see your participation.

  19. yupper... ohhh the fairytale. and ohhh the aftermath after that crashed and burned. lol. i won't say i never look forward to a life partner someday but i am so totally in the space right now of alone being where it is at for me, i needed this time and this space.